playing catch-up

the leaves have peaked, the mtns are showing a dusting of white, time on the bike has become of no importance. no races. no worries of miles on the drivetrain or hours in the legs and somehow i feel more invigorated than ever. after a season of making withdrawals from family time, it's been good to make some deposits, hopefully enough that by next may, when the goals have been set and the racing begun, it's with a happier heart than this past year. i tried to cram too much in, too many days away from home - and by the end of it, my legs were willing, but my heart knew the truth - and as i look back on the season, it's with missed opportunities to rage the local scene in lieu of the big ones many miles away... why travel for multiple days when i could travel and race 4 or 5 times locally? the goals for next season have begun to ferment, soon they will be a cheap wine.

one more year. that's what i'm thinking. it's not that i ride because i have to or should, i enjoy it, every minute - at least in retrospect. this is a hobby - a simple selfish pursuit of personal limitations. i presume that most people don't need to race. most people don't need to constantly test themselves and ask, "can i do this better?" they are confident enough to know that they can go faster, it's simply not necessary to find-out how fast... but not me. at the age of 32, my body still recovers well and quickly, it's not quite time to hang-up the testing, the questioning... maybe i'll do this forever...

as this time of year rolls around, the questions arise anew. why do i race? why do i want to train? i know it is for me and me alone, that no one cares beyond the moment of the outcome... it is for me and me alone. and that is the hardest part. her eyes. those big blue eyes demanding my time, my attention, the best of me, not the leftovers... but racing defines me. defines me beyond the ordinary hi's and hello's, "what do you do's?" ... one thing i like about vermont is few people ask you what you do for a living... i hate that. you meet someone for the first time and they ask you the dreaded, "so, what do you do for work?" question. they need to define you. meet me first. then a cpl more times. let's go for a ride or a ski. not because i want to sprint up or down a hill faster, but to simplify life. move. struggle. overcome. sprint. fly. scramble. do you laugh when you fall or curse? that's what defines you.



jonathon bruck photgraphy